To understand how this is so wrong, we need to see in terms of the interactions their intention to study or to protect them.

Jamie started out trying to control by Kurt make him feel guilty. Kurt, do not want to be controlled and can not communicate the way he makes me feel, in opposition to the move, which is a form of control. Jamie thinks that laying more guilt (control) he will reach the goal to have a romantic anniversary. Since Kurt was frustrated with the inability to express feelings is brewing, he moved into silence (control). Finally, when Kurt came home late and sat in the sofa, she showed passivity (control), which responds with anger Jamie (control). Kurt uses more resistant (control) and Jamie using the more angry and guilty (control). Kurt gets defensive (control) and lost (control). Attack, deny, deny, defend, and on … Sound familiar?

Kurt and Jamie does not want to hurt each other. Unfortunately, they are not open to learning about their own feelings and behavior, or the other of each. Resorting to control their behavior remain secure and eliminate the need to effectively communicate their fear. Fear of what motivated them to control and fear in the face of their love dissipates.

But every person to take the full responsibility of their own happiness and unhappiness, their job is to give each other. Imagine that you feel is a child in it. Imagine what would happen if you have children that you are actually trying to give to other people to handle the problem. Children who are afraid will not feel safe and most of the time. But what happens when we make others responsible for our feelings - we are afraid of children, safe, angry, sad, and anxious. Only when we take responsibility for our own feelings, that we can do with the intent to learn, that we will feel safe enough to give up the need to control and reject the control.

This will be easy to blame Jamie for their problems - if he can not only be poor and angry, everything will be fine. It’s just as easy to blame Kurt - if only he was more attentive and caring. However, until both Jamie and Kurt are willing to take responsibility for their own, and to loving themselves and each other is more important than controlling or not controlled, they will continue to conflict.

The act of taking responsibility no relation to sin or error. Each person who takes full responsibility that should be the correct and important step that is mature and reasonable results. What if Jamie had started with, “Kurt, I love to celebrate our birthday and you hate it. Can we talk about what will work for both of us?” They can be more easily resolved problem. And what if Kurt has responded to the statement of Jamie from the beginning with caring and openness, not the resistance, such as, “Honey, you know I do not like a celebration, so do not expect me to plan things. Let’s talk about how we can work to both of us. “One of one of them can be moved to an intention to study and take responsibility for what they want.

Every choice we have to start to see us.

If we change any of our control to the loving, and learning to take responsibility for our own feelings, we will participate in each of healing our relationship and thereby healing our planet.

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